US police to abandon ‘splitting up to cover more ground’ training

Police departments across the US are to phase out ‘splitting up to cover more ground’ training by 2020.

The controversial technique is usually practised when two officers enter a seemingly empty building, forest or sewer in which they suspect a number of criminals may be hiding.

“Splitting up to cover more ground originated in mid-seventies” said Oxford Professor of foolish plans; Gillian Moore

“It has proved enduring despite almost all instances of splitting up to cover more ground resulting in death, injury, or incubation of demonic alien lifeform.”

It is expected that ‘splitting up to cover more ground’ will be replaced with ‘Hmm, this looks suspicious, let’s wait for back-up and then shoot the crap out of everything’ or ‘F**k this, there’s bound to be loads of them, let’s pretend we looked and didn’t find anything.’

Police Officers across America have welcomed the news.

“Yeah, the splitting up to cover more ground things is nuts,” said LA Cop Brian Gun, a veteran of over seventy instances of splitting up to cover more ground, over fifty of which ended in some form of injury.

“You know, I’ve been in that situation a lot, when you’re about to split up to cover more ground, and I’ve thought – no, let’s not split up to cover more ground, but then your splitting up to cover more ground training kicks in and before you know it everyone’s been shot.”

Following the abandonment of the splitting up to cover more ground technique, it is expected that the ‘There’s no time to wait, I’m going in alone’ technique will face some serious scrutiny.