Tragic Christopher Nolan unable to remember the start of Memento

Tragic Christopher Nolan has revealed that he is unable to remember the beginning of his breakthrough film Memento.

“I watched it a while ago,” he said sadly.

“About halfway through, I released that I couldn’t remember what had happened at the start. So, I was just like ‘What? What’s happening? What’s Mike from Neighbours doing now? Why’s he got all those tattoos?’ It was pretty crazy.”

Christopher realised he needed to take action.

“Well, look, Memento was my breakthrough film. People want to talk about it, so I should really have something to say or we’ll end up having to talk about Insomnia and no one wants that, do they?”

So, he hit on an ingenious plan.

“I don’t know where I got the idea. But I thought I’d watch a bit of the start of the film and then, once I’d got the set-up and who everyone was, I’d tattoo that information onto my arm. That way, if I forgot the beginning again, I could just look at my arm and there it is.”

Oddly, he decided to take that more extreme measure rather than just writing everything down or asking someone else to remind him of how the film started.

“Yes, that would have made more sense, wouldn’t it? Anyway, I watched the first bit, then got the set-up tattooed on my arm, then I watched a bit more but found I couldn’t remember what happened after the set-up, so I got that tattooed on my other arm.

“By the end of the film I had the entire plot tattooed on various bits of my body. So, now I can finally remember the start, and in fact all, of Memento.”

He admitted he did regret his actions.

“Tattooing your body to remember things you’ve forgotten? It’s a bit silly, isn’t it? Doesn’t really make any sense.

“I think I’m just going to tell everyone that Batman was my breakthrough film instead.”

Man regularly breaks into song and dance

A man has started singing and dancing during times of deep stress and emotion in his life, to the bemusement of friends and work colleagues.

The man, Zac Jackman, who had been experiencing recent emotional turmoil since his tragic upbringing as a poor orphan, recently started his job at a new firm.

Keith Prosaic, who works with Mr Jackman, said, “We were having a meeting about the quarterly figures, mundane stuff like that. But then there was a disagreement about how a particular formula works in Excel and things started getting a bit tense. It got more and more heated, when all of a sudden Zac jumped up, did a firey little tap dance, before growling a really emotional song.

“Then a beat kicked in and, bizarrely, everyone else got up and, in perfect unison, started dancing and harmonising whilst he danced and sang.

“I was a bit bemused, especially as I started welling up uncontrollably. Though I’ll admit, it’s not the first meeting I’ve left in tears, but the first where they weren’t from boredom.

“It was very depressing, but I think that’s because no-one gave me any of the words or anything.

“In general, it’s actually quite sweet, but a bit weird. I mean, I was having a wee the other day and all I could hear was a heartfelt ballad from the cubicle about how the loo roll was running down.

“When he got to the chorus, the guys in the two cubicles either side, starting harmonising the bit about skidmarks.

“He’s only an accountant. Does he do this at home? It’s not something I’ve come across before in this industry.

“Apparently someone told me he used to work in this circus where everyone did it.

“They’ve all told me Friday’s going to be quite fun. We’ve got a singalong day….whatever that is”