The time that the ancient Egyptians invented cinema

It’s a typical Friday night, a queue of teenagers are excitedly waiting to see the this week’s big movie. Chattering happily, they look forward to an evening of fun and excitement. A similar crowd are here every Friday. Going to the pictures is one of the most popular pastimes for young people.

Except it isn’t 2017, it’s 3150 BC, and it’s not London or New York, it’s Egypt.

Of course, in 3150 BC, it wasn’t called Egypt, it was called Ancient Egypt, and it was in this mysterious land that movies were invented.

Giza

“It is reasonably clear to us that the Great Pyramid of Giza was originally used as a cinema,” explained historian Carrie Ford.

“There are traces of popcorn in the main chamber, and the lack of windows would make for excellent viewing conditions.”

It has long been understood that the ancient Egyptians were technologically advanced people who developed writing, mathematics and segways but it was only recently discovered that it was they who invented cinema.

“Well, yes. But, if you think about it, it’s obvious really. The Ancient Egyptian civilisation lasted four thousand years, so they needed something to do with their Friday nights otherwise it would have got terribly boring.”

Mate

It is thought that not only did they invent cinema, but that the Ancient Egyptians may have even pioneered the Police Academy films.

“We don’t have many details of actual films. But some scholars believe that a series of hieroglyphs in Karnak represent Hightower, Mahoney, and Hooks, and that would indicate that the Police Academy films are actually older than the Bible. Which makes sense, when you think about it.”

It appears that Ancient Egyptian cinema died out around 600 BC.

“We’re not sure why, but the most likely explanation is that they invented television and everyone ended up staying in and so the old Ancient Egyptian cinemas were converted into tombs and temples and forgotten about.”

My son

Whilst its fascinating to learn that our predecessors from thousands of years ago enjoyed our favourite pastime, one can only imagine what could have been if they hadn’t stopped making film when they did.

One things for sure, Police Academy 4,683,412 would be a fascinating prospect.