The time Requiem for a Dream was made into a live ice-skating spectacular

It was a cold January evening outside the Birmingham arena.

Parents supped cups of tea as they waited by their cars and chatted politely to one another.

A scream ripped through the clear night. The polite chatter stopped. Another scream, parents dropped the tea and began running towards the arena entrance.

Their children began to emerge, distraught.

A man held his daughter close and asked what was wrong.

“The man,” she sobbed

“The man had his arm amputated after getting it infected with bad skag.

“On ice.”

She broke down in terrified sobs.

Requiem for a Dream on Ice opened in Birmingham on January 17^th 2010 and closed three days later.

“I don’t think it was a bad show,” said critic Jeremy Soundboard.

“I mean, the sheer logistics of staging an explicit and harrowing lesbian sex-act performed for a baying audience of men whilst on ice requires some considerable talent.

“I’m just not convinced a distressing story of despair and drug addiction really works as a post-Christmas ice spectacular.”

Auditions for the show began in August the previous year and veteran skater Kara Lacey tried for the role of Sara – an older woman who becomes addicted to pills.

“There was to be a hallucination scene with my character believing that her fridge has come to life and is trying to attack her.

“Ultimately they couldn’t find anyone to convincingly portray a sentient fridge whilst ice-skating so Sara’s story was cut from the show.

“At the time, I was quite down but, with hindsight, it’s probably for the best.”

The critics savaged the show, claiming that its visceral scenes of sex, violence and sordid drug taking were not suitable material for an ice-dancing show.

It closed after just three days and has been largely forgotten except for the few children who managed to see it.

“The nightmares have largely stopped,” said one eighteen-year-old who didn’t want to be named.

“But I don’t think the image of a man having his arm amputated on ice will ever leave me.

“I just wish we’d gone to London and seen Little Mermaid on Ice instead, really.”