Star Wars fans demand something new to be cross about

Star Wars fans have demanded something new to be cross about as it’s been ages since Rise of Skywalker came out.

In recent years Star Wars fans have had plenty to be cross about, what with a girl taking a prominent role in The Last Jedi, Lando Calrissian not being an explicitly straight man, and something about Leia using the Force that’s upsetting for some reason.

“Frankly, I’m bored,” said Stewart James, an unemployed wig-stretcher from London.

“It’s been ages since I’ve taken to the internet in fury about how, as a real Star Wars fan, I’ve been terribly ill-treated in some way or other.”

“You’d have thought that, even though there isn’t a film about to come out, they’d have announced that Snoke was really a woman, or that Kylo Ren and Poe Dameron had an affair or that there was a colony of porgs on Alderaan – which would actually be the most mental thing of all, if you think about it.”

However, disappointed as Mr James is, he remains unsurprised that Star Wars fans have nothing new to be cross about.

“No, it’s typical really, the whole Star Wars thing is just a big money-making machine now and they’ve just forgotten about the fans and that giving us something to be cross about is what Star Wars should be about,” he said.

“Actually, in fact, not having something to be cross about has made me quite cross, I’d better take to the internet in a fury.”

“Brilliant!”