Standalone Ewok movie probably coming because, face it, you’ll watch it

There is probably a standalone Ewok movie coming because people like you will go and see it, and that just encourages them.

The Ewok film, which will be bloody awful, will feature a vast amount of tie-in promotional crap including Ewok filing cabinet dividers, Ewok windscreen wiper fluid and a life size Ewok sex robot which, again, you will buy.

The plot will probably have a small boy rocking up on the Ewok planet, the Ewoks will initially distrust the boy before a young Ewok befriends him, the boy becomes part of the Ewok tribe until he does something awful and is expelled.

The boy will then discover that Darth Vader plans on attacking the Ewok planet and turning all the Ewoks into promotional soft toys. The boy bravely tells the Ewoks, and they all have a big fight that the Ewoks win and accept the boy back into the tribe.

There will also be a CGI Ben Kenobi for some reason.

But, frankly, the plot could be two hours of an Ewok making a cake and you’d still go and watch it, regardless.

The Ewok film will inevitably come out in the next few years, you’ll go and see it, and the whole sorry Star Wars juggernaut will continue until there’s nothing else on at the cinema but Star Wars films for eternity.