Scientists baffled after spider bitten by man develops no man-like characteristics or powers

Scientists left baffled after spider bitten by man develops no man-like characteristics or powers

Scientists have been left shocked and confused after a spider who had been bitten by a man developed no man-like characteristics or powers.

Looking to create a new species of hyper-intelligent spiders, scientists created an experiment whereby a man would bite a spider under laboratory conditions. The assumption was that the spider would assimilate his DNA and begin to develop the powers of a man, such as the ability to make a cup of tea or have futile arguments on the internet.

However, surprisingly, the spider remained unchanged.

It reportedly curled its legs up into a ball for a brief time, probably in shock from the biting, and then returned to it’s home just above the shower head, a little too high to reach with a slipper.

“Well, frankly, we’re baffled,” explained Kelly Grace, Oxford University’s professor of superpowers.

“We know that it’s possible for one creature to pass on its characteristics powers to another with a bite, look at Spiderman – bitten by a spider, or Iron Man, bitten by a- …no, that doesn’t work, or Gary Numan- …no, that’s not- …well, the point is that Spiderman is a good example, he shows that powers and characteristics are passed from creature to creature through a bite.

“Yet, in this case, it didn’t work. Unless the spider has developed man-like characteristics we can’t yet see. Perhaps he’s buying a load of crap off Amazon when everyone’s in bed, or trying to work out in his head who the best Star Trek captain was.”

Professor Grace will now try and persuade the man who bit the spider to be irradiated before trying the experiment a second time, as it is thought that a bite from a radioactive man should have a better chance of passing on man-like powers.

Meanwhile, the spider is currently quietly staring out of the window, wondering what went wrong with his life.