It’s Saturday again! Time to pretend to have a bit of a cough so you don’t have to go round your brother-in-law’s house and listen to him witter on about the new conservatory he’s put in.
It’s not a new wing on Downton Abbey, mate. Get over yourself.
Here’s our guide to all the films you can watch instead.
Saturday
The Theory of Everything Sony Movies 18.35
Eddie ‘I do proper acting, actually’ Redmayne does proper acting, actually in well-regarded please-can-I-have-an-Oscar classic about maths bloke.
Babe ITV 12.55
Bacon sandwich, anyone?
The Game Sony Movies 21.00
Sean Penn is Michael Douglas’s brother with terrible consequences.
Sunday
Get Carter ITV4 21.00
Carter goes to Newcastle to shoot everyone because they made a terrible Sylvester Stallone remake.
London has Fallen Channel 5 22.00
Terrorist London Bobbies shoot everyone while Gerard Butler does that weird talking out the side of his mouth thing he does.
Blows its budget in first ten minutes and the rest of the film is spent watching men shoot each other in cheap looking warehouses.
Super 8 Film4 18.50
Monster invades the eighties in classic Spielberg film made by someone else.
Netflix Film of the Weekend
The Da Vinci Code
Tom Hanks runs round the world explaining things to an attractive person. Better than the book, but then, so’s setting fire to your face.
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