Opinion: That Thing You Like is Rubbish and You Must be Thick

I recently experienced that you thing you like. That many people like.

When many people like a thing such as this, then it becomes incumbent on me, a columnist, to experience that thing and then write a column about not liking that thing.

In this case, I didn’t like the thing. More importantly though, I thought the thing was objectively rubbish.

After experiencing the thing, I invented a set of subjective criteria in my head at which the thing should have succeeded, and then I pass those off as objective.

For example, if it were a thriller, then it simply wasn’t thrilling enough. If it was a dance record, then it simply wasn’t funky enough, and so on.

In this case, the thing did not succeed in fulfilling the criteria I’d made up after experiencing it, and I can therefore state that, objectively, that thing you like is rubbish.

I must be really very intelligent, mustn’t I? If there’s this thing that you and many others like but that only I have noticed that it’s actually rubbish, then I must really be quite something. Very intelligent.

By contrast, you must be thick. You, and everyone who liked the thing. You must be thick because you simply didn’t notice that the thing was rubbish like I did.

What an absolute idiot you really are and what an absolute intelligent, clever person I am.

I get paid for this shit you know.