The release of this year’s highly anticipated Super Smash Bros release is in jeopardy after a drugs scandal threatened to engulf the entire roster.
So far, fan favourites Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach have all tested positive for performance enhancing drugs.
Rumours that all was not well first emerged from the Smash Bros camp last Thursday after Luigi was seen sobbing as he was led away from the mandatory drugs testing tent by Smash Bros officials.
Friday saw Princess Peach furiously screaming at officials that she intended to ‘sue your asses all the way to Mushroom World.’
The situation developed into a crisis on Monday when it was revealed that Mario, the hugely popular plumber, was suspended from all further competition with immediate effect.
Although there has been no official word from Smash Bros organisers, rumours are that Mario, along with Peach and Luigi, had tested positive for a stimulant made from ground-up koopa-troopa shells that is said to mimic the effect of a gold star for up to twelve hours.
The substance – koopahydrodyetheline – has been banned since the mid-nineties as, not only is it extremely hazardous to fictional computer game characters’ health, but its trade was causing a worrying drop in the population of koopa-troopas.
Organisers have yet to comment on the matter, or whether or not the game’s release will be affected.
Tests for koopahydrodyetheline remain ongoing and Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Wario are all said to be looking extremely nervous.
Bowser has denied being the source of the drug and has threatened to lock anyone who says different in his castle.
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