Fans of extremely long things about elves have been thrilled with the news that Lord of the Rings is to be adapted for television.
However, as literally every man, woman, and child on the planet went to see Lord of the Rings at the cinema, the television version will be a considerably more expansive affair.
“Okay, so the films, they only had 32 endings, right? Maybe 60-70 in the extended version? Something like that,” said showrunner Daniel Abrams
“You see, that was probably fine in 2009, but this is, what, 2021? People demand more endings these days. Many, many more endings, like, well over 500. We’ve currently got 562 endings.”
Interestingly though, it is unlikely that the endings will ever be seen.
“Yeah, so this is our other big innovation. Everyone loved that the films seemed to go on forever, right? Well, this show will literally go on forever. We have an infinite number of seasons which means that Lord of the Rings can run until the end of time.
“Which is slightly longer than Titanic.”
If successful, then the Lord of the Rings will be followed up by a TV adaptation of the Hobbit in which the first six seasons will just be dwarves singing in Bilbo’s kitchen.
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