Morally-dubious theme park Middle-earth has ended its controversial Orc-breeding programme after accusations of cruelty.
The decision means the orcs currently acting as minions to the Dark Lord Sauron will be “the last generation” to run unconditionally into battle against all manner of fairytale creatures.
Over the years, Lord Sauron has faced criticism over the alleged poor treatment of the orcs, using their unquestioning loyalty to force them fight beautiful people for very little reward.
Intrepid explorer and hairy-footed midget, Bilbo Williams explains further, “Dark Lord Sauron had millions of the buggers, who were all ugly and stupid, immediately proving there wasn’t a big enough gene pool from which to breed them.
“It was actually a surprise to me any of them bred at all. To look at them, you wouldn’t be able to figure out which ones were female.”
Middle-Earth’s treatment of its orcs was highlighted in the overlong 2001 documentary The Lord of the Rings, which focused on a series of violent incidents involving some hairy men and a weird bald cat thing who stole something from a jeweller’s.
Middle-Earth described the film as inaccurate, misleading and exploitative.
A spokesman for Sauron said, “For as long as they live, the orcs at Middle-earth will continue to fight unhesitating for the cause of malevolence and evil. Once they’ve gone, they will be gone. We will replace them instead by genetic clones of Katie Hopkins. Though one may be enough.”
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