A new Home Alone reboot has been announced that will see an eight-year-old Kevin McCallister left alone by his parents to defend a classic film against an unnecessary remake.
“We were looking at getting a new family picture ready for Christmas,” explained Disney exec Stewart James.
“First, we thought of creating a magical new modern fairy tale that would be hilarious and moving for both children and adults alike.
“But, you know, that seemed like a ton of work, so instead we just figured we’d take a beloved classic from a few years ago and remake it. Easy. We took the afternoon off.”
However, the puzzle came with deciding exactly what problem or situation Kevin, who’d once again been left on his own, would have to overcome.
“Yeah, I mean burglars invading your home? It’s a bit old fashioned,” continued Stewart.
“We kicked around some more modern ideas – terrorist atrocity? Bit dark. A plague? Too soon. Genocidal warlord from Titan killing half the human race? Been done.”
“Then we hit gold. What if Kevin’s dad was a film archivist who had a classic film in his basement, right? And then there’s these unscrupulous film company producers, and they wait for Kevin’s dad to leave the country so they can break in and remake that classic film because they can’t be bothered to think up any new ideas.
“But they haven’t considered to resourcefulness of young Kevin who is determined not to let that classic’s reputation be tarnished by a half-assed remake.”
The Home Alone reboot will be release for this holiday season, and if successful, will see a Home Alone 2 reboot in which Kevin is left alone in New York and must stop unscrupulous film company producers breaking into the Museum of the Moving Image to remake a whole library of classic films.
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*Alright, perhaps ‘love’ is pushing it, maybe ‘be mildly diverted by’
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Calls for Rene from Allo Allo to feature on new fifty-pound note
There is growing support amongst the UK public for a new fifty-pound note to feature heroic French resistance café owner Rene from Allo Allo.
British banknotes feature the monarch on one side, and on the other a face of a ‘notable figure’ from British history on the other.
Ever since Allo Allo became popular in the eighties, there has been calls for Rene from Allo Allo to be on a banknote, but every time he is passed over in favour of relatively obscure figures such as Jane Austin or Isambard Kingdom Brunel.
“Rene from Allo Allo was a resistance hero whose tireless work to return those British airman to England should really be recognised,” said Jeremy Croft, Professor of History at Oxford University.
“He also had a number of affairs with sexy ladies.”
However, despite the overwhelming support for Rene from Allo Allo, there are some dissenting voices.
“Yes, there are some aspects of Rene from Allo Allo that could certainly be called heroic,” said David Lloyd, Professor of History at Cambridge University.
“However, one shouldn’t forget that Rene spent a great deal of energy attempting to hide the noted artwork The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies of behalf of Gestapo officer Herr Flick.
“Is that the sort of person we want recognised on a banknote?”
Despite such controversy and some outlandish, wacky suggestions like Stephen Hawking and Margaret Thatcher, it does seem that this time public support of Rene from Allo Allo will be too much for the Royal Mint to ignore.
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