Guy Ritchie to direct cockney remake of The Seventh Seal

Authentic working-class cockney Londoner and no mistake guvner Guy Ritchie has announced that following on from his cockney take on King Arthur, he will be directing a cockney remake of existential Swedish classic The Seventh Seal

Starring Ray Winstone as a disillusioned cockney knight returning home from the crusades and Vinnie Jones as a cockney Death, the remake will remain faithful to the original but just be more cockney

“Oi oi, innit, do one or what mate. Have it,” said Mr Ritchie, for some reason.

“I bleeding love the original Seventh Seal, don’t I? But, thing is, right, it ain’t really very cockney. So, how are ordinary cockney folk like me meant to relate to it. We can’t. Which is a bleeding shame, ain’t it?

“So, yeah, I’m going to keep it the same –  knight geezer comes back from war, has a game of chess with Death. Bish bash bosh. Everyone’s a winner.

“I might make it darts though, and set the game in a right traditional cockney boozer.”

“Sweet as a nut.”

Currently shooting in a car park in Leytonstone, The Seventh Bleeding Seal, mate is expected to be ready for next summer

If it proves successful, then Mr Ritchie has a plan to follow it up.

“Yeah, the Eighth Seal. Makes sense doesn’t it. Death and the Knight have another right old caper.”

“Blinding.”