A Hollywood studio has gone to extraordinary lengths by attempting to greenlight a remake of a crap film rather than ruining the legacy of a good one.
“It seems to us that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of films out there that are complete and utter bumwipe that it’s our duty to improve. Rather than the usual route of destroying all your memories of a brilliant film, by putting Owen Wilson in it for instance, we thought why not pick a really appalling film and make it work. Surely that’s got to be better?!
“For instance, Ghostbusters was ace. Why remake it? It doesn’t matter how good or bad the new one is, the first one was just the dog’s doodahs, so why not just watch that one again?
“Similarly, the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man was really good. So, just get everyone to watch that again, rather than spending billions making the same thing what – twenty-four times now?
“And Psycho, Annie, Robocop, Carrie, Total Recall. All ace.
“Remake something rubbish. Like, you know, Godzilla. I mean, they did remake it and at least it was faithful to the first version, because it was rubbish. But the bonus is because they haven’t soiled the memory of a good film, they now get to remake it again!
“And again. And again!
“So we’re putting together a big list of films that really need a remake, like Plan 9 From Outer Space, Battlefield Earth, Showgirls, Guest House Paradiso and Hulk.
“Oh yeah. You lot are gonna love what we’ve got planned!”
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