Greta Gerwig excluded from Baftas after lack-of-penis revelation

Representatives from theThe British Academy of Film and Television Arts have revealed that Barbie director Greta Gerwig was excluded from the Best Director category after it became apparent that she did not have a penis.

“Well, Barbie is a tremendous film. It’s clever, funny and hugely successful, so naturally Greta Gerwig was included, initially, in the Best Director nominations,” explained Baftas representative Stewart James.

“However, someone on the nomination committee then suddenly remembered that a friend of his wife had mentioned that Ms Gerwig didn’t have a penis.”

The Baftas nomination team swung into action.

“We immediately reached out to Ms Gerwig’s people for them to confirm her penis-ownership status.”

Sadly, they received no reply.

“In such an instance, we can only assume that her silence on the matter indicates that she does not, in fact, have a penis. As Bradley Cooper does have a confirmed penis, the committee opted to nominate him for Best Director instead.” 

Mr James did offer a glimmer of hope for Gerwig, though.

“Naturally, if Ms Gerwig were to grow a penis between now and the ceremony, then we would be happy to reconsider her nomination and we look forward to hearing from her in this matter.”