It’s the weekend, time for the proletariat to seize the means of production and achieve socialist utopia! Or, if that seems like far too much hard work, why not watch these films instead.
Saturday
Snatch 5* 21.00
Cockney men do cockney things in cockneyland. Oi Oi! ‘Ave it you melts!
And so on.
Deadpool Film4 21.00
Smug, sweary superhero is smug and sweary for a couple of hours.
Local Hero Film4 13.10
Proto-Donald Trump tries to buy piece of Scotland from Porridge’s Mr Mackay and is foiled by mermaid.
Sunday
Armageddon Sony Movies 21.00
Bruce Willis saves the world by digging a big hole. Disappointingly, no one says ‘armageddon outta here.’
Pearl Harbour Channel 5 17.45
The tragic story of Japan’s attack on Hawaii is improved by Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett fighting over a sexy lady.
An En Vogue Christmas Sony Movies 09.00
I can’t recommend this enough, because the true meaning of Christmas is trying to get a nineties R&B group to reform.
Netflix Film of the Weekend
The Equalizer
Thriller about a tough man doing hard sums.
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