Disney+ Star Wars edit has Greedo shoot first, kill Han Solo, defeat Rebellion

Fans have been shocked to discover that the version of Star Wars now available on Disney+ has seen further edits and not only sees Greedo shoot first, but also kill Han Solo and go on to defeat the rebellion and prevent the destruction of the Death Star.

“We now have the technology available to finally tell the story I originally wanted to tell,” explained George Lucas.

“And that story is of the overwhelming triumph of a strong and disciplined Empire.

“Back in the seventies, the special effects technology simply wasn’t up to that story and I had to settle for that hippie BS about Luke and Han blowing up the Death Star and getting nice medals.

It seems that new digital technology has allowed the director to finally achieve his vision.

“This is the definitive version,” he smiled, proudly.

“Quick-thinking Empire operative Greedo kills Han Solo, then leads a crack team of Empire supermen across the galaxy taking out Leia, Chewbacca and finally Luke Skywalker.

“The film now ends, as it should, with a long-shot of a fully operational Death Star providing discipline, strength and justice across all the galaxies.”

Fans were bemused.

“Well, I’ll be honest, it’s going to take some getting used to,” said Stewart James.

“I mean, on the one hand, I think the original version, with Han Solo shooting first, showed the maverick nature of the character very well.

“On the other hand, having Greedo shoot first and the Rebellion destroyed makes more sense – I mean, come on, the Empire had a Death Star. The Rebellion had an old British guy in a cloak. It should be no contest.

It is understood that Disney+ will also be introducing a new cut of Avatar in which RDA wipes out the Na’vi and strips Pandora of unobtanium and a new cut of 101 Dalmatians which sees Cruella De Vil get a nice new coat.

(Image by Pat Loika. Cropped. Licence details)