Crime lord’s wife pretty sick of all these armed henchmen in her house

The wife of a notorious crime lord has stated that she’s getting pretty sick of armed henchmen hanging around in her home.

“I know that my husband Jeremy – sorry, I meant to say – my husband ‘The Shark’ needs to be constantly vigilant against attacks from other crime lords and legal authorities and everything,” said Mrs The Shark.

“But I’m pretty sick of just having these armed henchmen everywhere. I had to pop for a wee before bed last night and there was this heavily moustached man with one eye and an uzi leaning against the wall on the landing.”

“It’s not very nice is it? And goodness only knows what he’s done with the yucca plant that I’d put there.”

“Mum gave us that.”

It is understood that The Shark is becoming increasingly more paranoid and demanding of more and more armed henchmen with him at all times ever since a renegade cop made it onto his property and arrested him.

“I’ve told him he just needs to put that out of his mind. His high-price lawyer got him off on a technicality so there’s no need for all these men with their guns traipsing all over the place.”

“I’ve had to have the lounge carpet cleaned twice. It’s not on.”

“I can’t even have any of my friends round – oh yes, do come in Mrs Mowbray. Slice of Battenberg? Just ignore the psychotic mercenary with the machine gun and bandana.

“It’s no life for me. It really isn’t.”

It thought that The Shark’s wife will resolve the situation by initiating an affair with one of the henchmen that will lead to paranoia and betrayal spreading throughout the organisation and, ultimately, the collapse of The Shark’s criminal empire.