Broadway musical based on Barbie inevitable, fear experts

Following the huge success of Greta Gerwig’s Barbie, there is a real and genuine concern that a Broadway musical based on the film could now be inevitable.

Despite not featuring anyone with superpowers punching other people, the film has become a huge hit. This means that there will be a flurry of ill-conceived and half-baked ideas to further monetize the property, almost certainly culminating with a Broadway musical.

“I would imagine that there is very little we can do to prevent a Barbie musical arriving before the end of next year,” said Kelly Grace, Professor of Terrible Yet Inevitable Ideas at Harvard University.

“I mean, it’s got a load of original songs in it, so no one is going to have to go through the tedious and expensive business of any writing new songs. Although, if they do need to pad it out a bit, then I’m sure they could throw in a couple of Bucks Fizz songs and everyone would think that it’s terribly ironic and hilarious.

“And, of course, despite all logic and good sense, people are still going to have hen-dos. If people are still going to have hen-dos, then those hen-dos are going to need something to do, which should be enough to keep a Barbie musical in reasonable business for longer than you’d expect.”

Experts are currently predicting the Barbie musical will star someone you half-remember from a talent show as Barbie and a surprisingly well-respected British actor in a support role.

If it proves as successful as many fear, then it’s conceivable that there will be a movie adaptation of the musical adaptation of the film and then, frankly, we may as well just all give up.