Billionaire playboy has so many better things to do than put on costume and fight crime

A billionaire playboy has confirmed that he has so many better things to do than put on a weird costume and fight crime by night.

“Fight crime? Why on earth would I fight crime?” Laughed Wayne Bruce, who inherited several billion dollars from his father.

“Tomorrow evening my plans are to drive around in my open-top Ferrari with a couple of supermodels. So, what, you really think that I’d rather call them up and go ‘sorry Nikki and Claudia, going to have to cancel, need to go and punch a burglar in the face.’ I’d have to be absolutely mental.

Mr Bruce said that he has been approached several times to fight crime by the local commissioner.

“Wanted me to fill up my cave below the mansion with all sorts of computers and gadgets and weapons and use it as some sort of crimefighting base.

“I was like – ‘yeah, I could do that, or I could buy a mega-yacht, anchor it off the Maldives and have a summer long party with a load of sexy popstars’

“I mean, my life is absolutely brilliant. Why on earth would I risk all that to duff up some drug dealers.

“I’ll probably write the police a cheque for a bunch of new police cars and then hopefully they’ll leave me alone. I’ve got Britney Spears doing a private concert for my pet terrapin’s birthday later.”

Mr Bruce’s confirmation that he will not be fighting crime follows on from the announcement from an alien, newly arrived on earth with great powers, stating that he’ll probably just become King of the World and make everyone do as he says.