A hive of scum and villainy? Not the newly gentrified Mos Eisley

Yes. That’s right. This is really Mos Eisley and I don’t think any Mr fancy-pants Jedi-master could call it a hive of scum and villainy any more.

The whole demographic of the town really started to shift after Jabba the Hutt was mysteriously choked to death. His palace was bought up by a media conglomerate who reopened it as a terrific mall and entertainment complex. I swear, the mini-golf there is to die for.

And, of course, Mos Eisley has been one of the major spaceport hubs of the Jundland Wastes for many years now, which means it’s perfect for commuting.

It’s that combination of commuting opportunities and leisure that’s led to seen a real influx of young professionals and their families into the town and, by and large, they don’t really care for hives of scum and villainy. Hives of scum and villainy, they don’t really have a lot for the kids to do and there’s always the possibility you might get shot by a smuggler and, whether he shot first or not, getting shot by a smuggler just isn’t appealing for modern young professionals.

So, the hives of scum and villainy moved out and we’ve got, look, over there we’ve got Raylin Boff’s Organic Chava chava, which is lovely. He’s stripped it back to the original Rebellion era fixtures and it’s got a really rustic, authentic feel to it.

That’s Fenko’s Produce, there. All local. He’s got a few stores in this area now, but they’ve all kept that local vibe. It’s a little more expensive, but it’s worth it to know you’re supporting local Jerba farmers.

Spacers Row has been converted into starter apartments and it’s starting to get a real artistic vibe to it. On Wednesdays, they have a craft market in the community space and, for my money, the Mullanite lattice-sculptures you can buy there are the equal of anything you’ll find in Rudrig.

The Force has just opened. It’s a community venue so you’ll find local bands there, Tuesday night is an open night for comedy – that’s hilarious. Oh, and The Mos Eisley players are working on a production of The Alderaan Memorandum which…well, the important thing is that they try.

We’ve tried to retain the Empire-days character of the Old Quarter which gives the area a slightly edgy vibe and, of course, Chalmun’s Spaceport Cantina is still there, and that is a hive of scum and villainy.

Oh, not really, don’t worry. It’s faux-scum and villainy. It’s great fun. There’s some old Stormtrooper suits in a corner, they serve Nova Blasters and Flameouts just like they used to, and the bar staff will always try and throw out droids, you know – ‘we don’t want their sort in here’ – but it’s just banter, good fun, obviously there is no droid prejudice in Mos Eisley anymore.

It’s like, we’re a hive of scum and villainy, but we’re not really a hive of scum and villainy, because that would be awful.

So, that’s Mos Eisley, and we think it’s a lovely place to live now with a friendly and open atmosphere where everyone is welcome.

Except Jawas, of course, they’ll just bring down the property prices down.