Filming has apparently been halted on the new season of The Witcher after star Henry Cavill was injured when a stunt-wizard accidental cast a spell that caused an on-set magical accident.
The spell was, apparently, a simple telekinetic thrust, known as an Aard. It hit a cart, and that cart rolled forward, hitting Cavill and causing him to fall and sprain his ankle.
The Witcher, like most modern fantasy TV and Film, uses stunt-wizards to create realistic magical effects and to protect stars from coming to magical harm.
“I’ve been a stunt-wizard for, oooh, about 26 years now,” explained Magister Stewart James.
“I’m probably best known still for my work on Lord of the Rings – that spell that broke the bridge at Khazad-Dum? That was me. I’ve also done work on Game of Thrones and Harry Potter.
“It is good that they’ve started to employ real wizards, because you go back and watch things like Never Ending Story? Warlock? They do look a bit shonky. Now, modern films have a lot more realistic spells in and that’s because they use proper stunt-wizards.”
However, some stars are now actually starting to do their own spells.
“Eddie Redmayne? Pretty good wizard. Does most of his own spells, I understand. They look very convincing as well, kid’s got some talent,” continued Magister James.
“On the whole though, I’m against it. Leave the wizarding to the wizards and we’ll leave the acting to the actors.”
Cavill is said to be doing well, although some have questioned why the Witcher stunt-wizard didn’t just simply cast a healing spell to immediately repair his ankle straight away.
“Oh yeah,” chuckled Magister Cavill, “a ‘healing’ spell – like they’re real. What kind of fantasy world are you living in?”
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Fast and Furious 9 to be profound examination of life as a 19th century Welsh hill farmer
In a surprising departure for the series, the next Fast and Furious film will be a darkly profound, existential examination of life as a 19th Century Welsh hill farmer.
Vin Diesel will play Gwyndaf Jones, a struggling hill farmer secretly in love with Myfanwy the post-mistress – played by the Rock, whose life is thrown into turmoil as the industrial revolution threatens his simple existence.
“Yeah, so I think the franchise has a responsibility to tackle all aspects of the human condition,” said Mr Diesel as the film was announced.
“We’ve very much dealt with the cars aspect of the human condition in the previous eight films so we figured it was time to try something else and both myself and the Rock were drawn immediately to this simple, yet really quite profound tale of a man and the forbidden love that sustains him as his world collapses around him.”
However, fans of the franchise will be pleased to learn that the film hasn’t abandoned everything that made the other films so popular.
“Yeah, it’s very much a Fast and Furious take on the life of a 19th Century Welsh hill farmer,” confirmed Mr Diesel.
“So, it’ll end with a car battling a submarine on top of a skyscraper.”