It’s the weekend and this time you’re not going to waste it lying on the sofa watching mediocre films.
Keep telling yourself that as you enjoy any of these mediocre movies as you lie on the sofa.
Saturday
Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope ITV 17.55
Improbably named stroppy teenager teams up with space-wizard to sell toys.
Casino Dave 22.00
Jo Pesci and Robert DeNiro go to Las Vegas to swear a lot.
Lethal Weapon 4 5Spike (What?) 21.00
Sting does the theme tune and Mel doesn’t have a mullet. Best avoided, I’d have thought.
Sunday
Despicable Me ITV2 18.10
Cartoon responsible for little yellow bastards that infest the entirety of the Internet.
Pompeii 5* 21.00
You remember chemistry lessons where the teacher did the baking soda and vinegar volcano experiment? More convincing than the volcano in this.
Christmas Pony True Movies 1 09.00
Apparently you just put any word after ‘Christmas’ and they let you make a Christmas film. ‘Christmas Drain,’ ‘Christmas Escalator,’ and ‘Christmas Exoplanet’ presumably all coming soon.
New at the cinema this weekend
Die Hard
Bruce Willis beats up a skyscraper. You may have heard of this.
Home Alone
Psychotic child tortures two simple men by setting them on fire, putting nails through their feet and making them listen to Rocking Around the Christmas Tree.
DVD of the week
Jurassic World
Giant lizards get cross and eat everyone. Woman wears controversial shoes throughout.
Be the first to comment