It’s the weekend! Two whole days of crazy, sexy, wild, out-of-control disco partying. Alternatively, if that sounds like a lot of bother, why not enjoy these great films.
Saturday
The Wolf of Wall Street Film4 21.00
Too much sniffing cocaine off bottoms, not enough wolves.
Twister ITV2 17.45
Bill Paxton has a fight with weather.
A Miracle on Christmas Lake True Movies 1 21.00
Surprising number of Christmas films on this weekend, so let’s all be careful.
Obviously, this was made for about ten quid and is, presumably, balls.
Christmas Lake though? Who would call a lake Christmas lake? I mean, brilliant at Christmas but no-one’s going to visit any other time of year.
Unbelievable.
Sunday
Edward Scissorhands Film4 18.55
Feel free to make your own jokes about wiping his bottom or picking his nose, I’m above all that sort of thing.
The Man in the White Suit BBC2 14.45
Classic businesswear-based sci-fi. Apparently, a white suit looked rubbish in black and white and they actually used a green one which looks much more white in black and white.
If you turn the colour right up you can even see a hint of green. True that. A bloke told me.
Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring ITV2 18.35
One day all TV channels will just show nothing but Hobbit films. Feels like that now.
New at the cinema
A Star is Born
Lady Gaga does a song. Bradley Cooper does a beard. Everyone gets over-excited.
Venom
Superhero thing. Thank heaven. Been at least a month since last superhero thing.
DVD of the week
I don’t know…Goodfellas? Yeah, go on then – Goodfellas
Everyone shoots everyone else whilst wearing nice suits. Fact: every word in the script is a swear.
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