It’s the weekend! Give praise to the Dark Ones below who will one day devour us all, and then watch these great films.
Saturday
Lethal Weapon ITV4 21.45
Mel Gibson and his mullet get cross and shoot everyone then have a punch-up on his friend’s front lawn.
Everyone is too old for this s**t.
London Has Fallen 5* 21.00
Amazing.
Terrorists blow up bits of London because of reasons and Gerard Butler saves the day by talking out of the side of his mouth.
Someone unexpected is the baddie.
Brief Encounter BBC2 14.00
Nice woman does her best to sell sticky buns in station café. Posh couple keep coming in and mooning over each other and putting everyone off.
Sunday
Taxi Driver Sony Movie Channel 00.55
Man gets dumped for putting slice of cheese on his pie. Gets rubbish haircut. Shoots people.
We’ve all been there.
The Goonies 5* 16.45
A young Samwise Gamgee and his hoodlum friends break into cafe, disappear into catacombs below and steal a load of riches that, frankly, belong in a museum.
What would Frodo say?
Attack Force 5Spike 23.05
No idea. But if I had to guess…
Brick Rockson is the veteran of twenty three different wars. He now lives a quiet life floating on an iceberg off Alaska and makes a living whittling small pieces of ice from a large piece of ice.
One day, he learns that the President has been kidnapped by foreigners and so gets his old special forces marines mercenary army squadron – Action Force – back together to shoot all the foreigners.
On the way, he gets off with an attractive woman who is far too young for him.
New at the cinema this weekend
Shazam!
A superhero film? I don’t know, seems like a gamble to me. They’ll never catch on.
DVD of the week
Groundhog Day
Grumpy weatherman spends eternity eating cake and torturing a rodent before getting off with his boss and making everything alright.
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