Well it’s the weekend again, and that can only mean one thing – glorious revolution and smashing the patriarchy.
Although, that sounds like a lot of work. Tell you what, let’s do that next week and spend this week watching these films.
Saturday
The Green Mile Film4 21.00
Supernatural prison epic about a magic mouse. Finishes sometime in August.
Jurassic World ITV2 19.35
Giant lizards get cross and eat everyone. Woman wears controversial shoes throughout.
Beverly Hills Cop II ITV4 22.30
Axel Foley solves crimes by being irritating.
Features Brigitte Nielson telling people to ‘eat the floor’ because someone genuinely thought that phrase was a good idea.
Sunday
Back to the Future Part III Film4 15.50
Disappointed that he didn’t get off with his mum in the past, Marty McFly decides to be a cowboy.
Zero Dark Thirty ITV4 23.15
Americans shout at foreigners until terrorism stops.
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story ITV2 18.20
Plucky group of misfits go on suicidal mission to retrieve Death Star plans that ultimately prove useless, as Luke just uses the Force to blow it up.
Many Bothans died to bring you this film guide.
New at the cinema this week
Portrait of a Lady on Fire
Daredevil woman sets herself on fire whilst someone paints her, presumably.
DVD of the week
School of Rock
Searing indictment of the quality of rock-based education in modern America.
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