Ah, the weekend. Time to have a go at the garden, go for a walk in the country, or lie on the sofa in your pants eating corn flakes straight from the box wondering if it’s too early to start drinking yet.
Here’s our guide to the wealth of movies available to you
Saturday
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows : Part 2 ITV 18.20
Young boy fiddles about with his wand until it goes off with hugely impressive results.
Bram Stoker’s Dracula Drama 22.00
Bitey East European type mopes about London whilst various b-lists actresses get their chests out.
Better than the book.
Flash Gordon Film4 14.20
Brian Blessed shouts at everyone until everything sorts itself out.
People who haven’t seen it since they were nine claim it’s good.
Sunday
Vertigo Film4 16.05
James Stewart perves over blonde woman who is someone else.
Sight and Sound claims this is the best film ever. They’ve clearly never seen Christmas Vacation.
Watership Down Channel 5 03.10
Bunny carnage. On At three in the morning as well, so perfect for post-club viewing.
I think I saw Bunny Carnage on the second stage at Reading a few years ago.
November Christmas True Movies 1 23.00
It’s in December, not November. Research, guys. Just a little bit of research.
New at the cinema
Bohemian Rhapsody
Biography of Freddie Mercury’s moustache. Will feature far too much Live-Aid and not nearly enough being gay.
DVD of the week
Mother!
Potent and nightmarish allegorical deconstruction of the making of a Darren Aronofsky film.
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