You’ve worked super-hard this week, so treat yourself and spend the entire weekend lying in a bath full of Malteasers whilst watching these great films.
Friday
Cinderella Man Sony Movie Channel 15.40
A man? As Cinderella? Political correctness gone mad. If girls want to be Cinderellas, then let them, but I suppose that’s not ‘right on’ enough for you Guardian-reading, Ben Elton-watching, organic trouser-wearing shrub-huggers.
God help us if there’s a war is all I can say.
Jesse Stone: Death in Paradise Channel 5 15.15
Tom Selleck uses his moustache to beat up bad guys in this prequel to the popular BBC police show starring Father Dougal.
Murder in my House Sony Movie Channel 09.00
That’ll play havoc with the property prices.
Saturday
Scarface ITV4 23.50
Subtle and nuanced meditation on immigration that sees a man get his arm chainsawed off to cracking Giorgio Moroder disco soundtrack.
They Live Horror Channel 21.00
A drifter discovers a pair of sunglasses that allows him to see that the politicians and elites are all evil aliens bent on exploiting humankind in this hard-hitting documentary about life in Trump’s America.
Arachnoquake Horror Channel 18.45
A colony of fire-breathing spiders live under New Orleans, and an earthquake sets them free. Some people claim the Bible is the greatest story ever told. Those people clearly haven’t seen Arachnoquake.
Sunday
White House Down Sony Movie Channel 21.00
Action film from a time when a lunatic taking over the White House was seen as a bad thing.
Blackhat Channel 5 22.00
Thor buys a hat. Seemingly doesn’t go well.
Arachnoquake Horror Channel 08.00
Definitely worth watching twice. Fire-breathing spiders who live under New Orleans? If it’s on Monday as well, I’d watch it three times.
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