Well its the weekend again, and that can only mean one thing – glorious revolution and smashing the patriarchy.
Although, that sounds like a lot of work. Tell you what, let’s do that next week and spend this week watching these films.
Saturday
Se7en ITV4 23.15
Relentlessly grim serial killer drudgery given surprise happy ending when Goop fraud Gwyneth Paltrow’s head turns up in a box.
Beaches Channel 5 21.20
Relentlessly grim sickness porn that should keep your Mum quiet for a few hours.
Sister Act Film4 16.45
Nuns on the Run with better tunes.
Sunday
Home Alone E4 18.55
Psychopathic child tortures unlucky burgers in brutal revenge fantasy.
Total Recall ITV4 23.10
Arnold Schwarzenegger goes to Mars. Or has been to Mars. It’s pretty unclear. Worth it for the bit when he pulls a football out of his nose.
Prancer Returns True Movies 1 07.00
I don’t know. Something about a reindeer. If you watch Christmas films at this time of the year, you deserve everything you get, frankly.
New at the cinema
Halloween
Sequel. I wouldn’t get your hopes up, they couldn’t even be arsed to give it a number, let alone a subtitle.
DVD of the week
Independence Day
Aliens blow up White House. Made at a time when that was considered a bad thing.
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