Well, it’s January. Obviously, you’re not going to go out. It’s raining and you’re still labouring under desperately optimistic misapprehension that this year you’re ‘definitely going start being a bit more healthy and cut down on the booze.’
So, why not crash out on the sofa and enjoy these classic films.
The Shawshank Redemption – 23.00 ITV4
With the exception of Armageddon, the nineties’ best film about digging a big hole.
The Purple Plain – 21.30 Talking Pictures
At the peak of his powers, Prince made this semi-autobiographical- wait, ‘plain?’ Oh. Right. Well, god knows, then. Probably hasn’t got Prince in.
Convoy – 21.00 True Movies 1
My mate Chris bloody loves this. But then, he likes the orange creams in Quality Street so I don’t know what sort of recommendation that is.
Cracking theme tune, mind.
The Abyss – 21.00 Film4
Underwater aliens get cross and threaten to destroy the world. I reckon this is the inevitable conclusion to Donald Trump’s presidency.
49th Parallel – 14.20 5Spike
The 48th sequel to Parallel, presumably.
The Rainmaker – 18.10 Sony Movie Channel
Sexy idealistic young lawyer saves the day somehow. Coincidentally written by a lawyer.
The Sting – 23.00 ITV3
Paul Newman and Robert Redford star in this biography of the Police singer who can do sex for ages
Ferris Beuller’s Day Off – 17.40 ITV4
Smug little git steals a car and ruins his headmaster’s career. Probably went on to become a hedge fund manager and is now locked up on fraud charges.
Sleepless in Seattle – 12.00 Sony Movie Channel
A nice milky drink’ll take care of that.
Oh, and Lord of the Rings. Probably. I mean, I haven’t checked but it’s always on, isn’t it?