It’s the weekend! Time to take to the woods and dance naked around the fire until the spirit of Pan infuses your very being. Or you could watch these great films. Your call.
Saturday
The Imitation Game 18.45 Film4
Sherlock Holmes does serious acting and invents computers leading to millions of people doing jobs they don’t understand in IT.
Titanic 17.15 E4
Serious artist who understands Picasso’s ‘amazing use of colour’ gets distracted by flighty posh girl and dies unknown.
Carry on Nurse 15.00 Film4
Searing indictment of the state of the British health system that led immediately to the government banning the practice of sexy nurses bending over in front of desperate middle-aged perverts.
Sunday
Die Hard with a Vengeance 21.00 5*
Bruce Willis solves a variety of brain-teasers whilst being grumpy and shouting at Samuel L Jackson who, in fairness, shouts back a lot.
Babe 13.30 ITV2
Heartwarming farm fantasy that will make you crave a bacon sandwich.
Cocoon 14.40 Film4
Oldiewonks form pact with weird alien pods to try and avoid Steve Guttenberg.
New at the cinema this weekend
John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum
John Wick shoots everyone in the world until its just him left on his own with his dog. Who he shoots.
Legend
The Krays? Cor Blimey guv’nor, lovely geezers, they were. Only ever hurt their own. East End was a better place for them. Up the Old Kent Road. My old man said follow the van. Cockles and Mussels, alive, alive-o.
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