It’s the weekend! So much excitement! So many possibilities! But, face it, you’re spending it on the sofa in your pants with the curtains closed eating cereal from the box and watching these great films.
Saturday
Birdman BBC2 23.00
Michael Keaton walks round a theatre soundtracked by someone pushing a drumkit down the stairs
Zodiac Sony Movies 21.00
Jake Gyllenhall takes three hours to fail to solve the Zodiac murders.
Cocoon 14.50 Film4
Oldiewonks form pact with weird alien pods to try and avoid Steve Guttenberg.
Sunday
Angels and Demons 5* 21.00
Tom Hanks runs round Rome explaining why he’s running round Rome to an attractive woman who seems only to be there to be attractive and have things explained to her by Tom Hanks.
Pirates of the Caribbean: I can’t be arsed checking the subtitle ITV2 17.45
Movie based on fairground ride. Johnny Depp does that boggly-eyed, addled thing that he thinks makes him quirky.
The sort of film that makes you wish the Lumiere brothers had done something else.
The Color of Money Sony Movies Classic 21.00
Tom Cruise annoys Paul Newman by shouting in pool halls and spelling ‘colour’ incorrectly.
New at the Cinema this week
Bad Boys for Life
The continuing adventures of two macho cops who spend all their time together bickering and protesting way too much at any implication they might be gay.
DVD of the week
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Apes beat humans at war in terrifying dystopian vision about the perils of kindness to animals.
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