A re-imagining of ‘The Great Train Robbery’ will be released next year and, because it’s set in the Southern Trains area, will not actually feature any moving trains at all.
The film, ‘The Great Replacement Bus Service Robbery’ will be based loosely on the events of the actual 1963 crime, but will re-imagine the farcical events that take place when the criminal masterminds have to improvise when they realise the locomotive they were hoping to burglarise is replaced between Rugby and Birmingham New Street by a coach.
The robbers, led by Buster Edwards (Zayn Malik) spend months planning the robbery in the most minute detail, with timings to the last second, only to be undone when nothing comes through Coventry and they all sit there bored whilst armed to the hilt with a couple of big nicked vans.
The action switches between the gang and Trevor, a loose cannon coach driver, who is completely unaware of his lucky escape, instead bemoaning his fate because ‘the stupid track work has overrun again, love. We can go to bingo next week, I promise’.
The gang improvise and steal some fags and a twix from a Shell garage.
The film’s credits will feature Malik ruining the ‘The Thomas the Tank Engine Theme’.
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