There was widespread shock and disappointment that the new Batman film has only been rated PG-13 and therefore won’t be featuring the full-frontal nudity, hardcore sex acts and graphic horror and violence that many fans had been expecting.
Most disappointingly though, the Bat-penis will not be revealed.
“Yeah, I’m pretty gutted,” said hardcore Batman fan, Barry Batman.
“I was given to understand by a combination of my own assumption and imagination that this new Batman film would be an 18-rated festival of depraved acts and horrific violence.
“I thought we’d see Bruce Wayne having full sex with a supermodel and then get out of bed and walk about with his Bat-penis out and then go off and decapitate the joker and get all blood spurting up and going on the ceiling and in his face and everything.
Batman Smith is another lifelong Batman fan.
“I’m pretty angry, if I’m honest. This was meant to be an adult take on Batman and, if that means anything at all, it means seeing the Bat-penis.
“I’ve always understood why there’s no Bat-penis in the original Adam West Batman and the Tim Burton films. There’s even an argument that the Chris Nolan films weren’t really in Bat-penis territory.
“But this new one? It’s meant to be dark and adult and everything. So, why can’t we finally see the Bat-penis?”
Hardcore fans had initially planned to boycott the film, but Mr Batman has come up with a different, more ingenious plan.
“I’m going to go and see the film, but I’m actually going spend the whole two hours thinking about the Bat-penis,” he said.
“That’ll show them.”
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