Report: Over 98% of Shawshank prisoners not even slightly redeemed

A new report has exposed the shocking rate of redemption at Shawshank State Prison in Maine, with over 98% of prisoners not experiencing any sort of redemption.

“Four and a half years in Shawshank. Wasn’t even nearly redeemed. Not a bit of it,” said former inmate Stewart James.

“I was sorry for what I did. They sent me to Shawshank. That was okay. Deserved it. Thought I’d be redeemed though. That’s what you hear. You go to Shawshank. You get redeemed. I didn’t get no redemption though.”

Mr James’ comments echo the thousands of respondents to the study that made up the report.

“Considering Shawshank’s reputation for redemption, these results are very, very poor,” explained Kelly Grace, Maine University’s Professor of Redemption, Vindication, and Absolution.

“Hardly any of the men who took part in the study experienced any sort of redemption at all. I mean, there was one man who said that one day he’d planned to throw a rock at another inmate’s head but then felt he shouldn’t and that he’d been saved from following an evil path. That’s hardly a redemption though, or if it is, it’s a very, very small redemption.

“The institution seems basing its entire reputation on one famous redemption from the 1960s. It’s not good enough, frankly.

The warden of Shawshank has responded to the study by saying that there are no state targets for redemption in prisons, so it cannot be judged to be failing, but he will look into introducing a number of programs for redeeming prisoners to improve the prison’s rate of redemption.