Man, I have seen things that no human being should ever be subjected to. Ever.
It’s this film about these rabbits, man. Except they talk. Talking rabbits. It’s like the end of days or something.
So I’m there, I’m in the cinema and I don’t know anything about the film except it’s called, like, Peter Rabbit. So I figure it’s about this dude who’s got a weird surname or something.
Like, I remember back in the 90s, there was this Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci tribute band who used to play in the Splintered Foot and the drummer was called Jeremy Jeremy. Which is, you know, a totally weird surname, right?
So I figure that it’s a film about a dude named Peter who has to come to terms with having a weird surname. Like Jeremy.
But I sit there. In the cinema, and there’s kids, man. Like, everywhere. The films starts and there’s these rabbits and I’m all like ‘what the hell is this?’
Then the rabbits start talking and I freak, man. I just start screaming, you know, like ‘get out, man. Everyone get out. They’re rabbits and they’re talking. Run for your lives.’
I try a grab one of the kids to get it to safety but, the mum freaks out and I look around and everyone is just there. Just watching these talking rabbits like it’s normal.
I leave and as I walk down this rainy street I realise that, like, our time as the dominant species may be at an end.
Screen Idle star rating – no stars, man. Like, negative stars. Talking rabbits? It’s where the downfall of the human race begins.
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