Uber-director and primary reason for many movie fans’ haemorrhoids, Sir Peter Jackson, has confirmed he has signed the rights to letter ‘A’ of the alphabet and plans to convert the alphanumeric into four four-hour long films.
Jackson, who is part hobbit on his grandmother’s side, described his plans in detail.
“First, I am passionate about extending somewhat threadbare material into some very long films. Look what I did with The Hobbit, which is essentially a leaflet of a fantasy story.
“The story will be no story,” continued the hirsute director. “There is no story to tell with ‘A’ – other than to introduce its protege and upstart partner ‘a’.
“Having said that, it’ll be an in-depth examination of ‘A’ using every font known to mankind. This will, obviously, take 16 hours, though I will take the liberty to release all four masterpieces in director’s cut versions where I use some new fancy special effects that I’ve not even dreamt up yet.
“Fans of the dictionary everywhere will love this drawn-out biopic. After the final film’s extended cut is released in late 2023, there will be people who ‘get it’ completely and those who don’t.
“But the ones that do will throw themselves into in it completely, holding fancy dress parties with everyone turning up as ‘A’.
“The love for it will beggar belief and subsequently lead directly to my second knighthood, where I will be thereafter known as Sir Sir Peter Jackson. Or simply, Sir Squared.
Jackson hails all his success to that time someone explained to him what the word ‘epic’ meant. He has not looked back since, leaving us all the ruing that day.
He continued: “All this said, I must admit I haven’t yet thought of a name for the film yet.”
Once the work is complete, he plans to turn to the letter ‘B’, then ‘C’, then, surprisingly, ‘E’
“No, I’m not making a film about ‘D’ – I just don’t believe there’s anything to say.”
Be the first to comment