Passion of the Christ sequel to feature new comedy animal sidekicks

Director Mel Gibson has revealed more details for his upcoming Passion of the Christ sequel, including the surprising revelation that there will be a number of comedy animal sidekicks.

“The first film was great and really brought across the truth of the life of Jesus in exactly the way I’d hoped,” said Gibson.

“But it was pretty heavy, so I thought we could bring in some comedy sidekicks to just, you know, lighten some of the tougher moments.”

“At first, I’d just lined up Kevin Hart, Jim Belushi and Tom Arnold to be human sidekicks and they were great. You know, we’d have Satan turning up with Kevin and Kevin would knock things over and be like – ‘these crazy Romans!’ – and it was hilarious, but it was still missing something, you know?”

So, apparently at the suggestion of star Jim Caviezel, the Passion of the Christ sequel will feature a number of CGI comedy animal sidekicks voiced by the much-loved stars, with a reported highlight being Tom Arnold voicing Simon Peter’s uptight comedy goat sidekick.

With much of the cast still unknown, we don’t yet know details of all the comedy animal sidekicks, but Jim Belushi is confirmed to be playing a fast-talking, streetwise mouse from Brooklyn and Kevin Hart a laidback hippy-sounding donkey.

There are also rumours that Pierce Brosnan will be joining the film to take the role of a stuffy British horse sidekick to Mary. But that remains unconfirmed.

Gibson also confirmed that the plot of his Passion of the Christ sequel will feature mismatched couple Pontius and John the Apostle thrown together to fight crime in Nazareth while a wisecracking pot-bellied pig looks on.

Pulp Fiction briefcase revealed to contain Findus Crispy Pancakes for boss’s tea

After twenty years, Quentin Tarantino has finally revealed the contents of the briefcase in cult classic Pulp Fiction.

Ever since the release, fans have speculated on what was in the briefcase that prompts the astonished reaction from John Travolta’s Vincent Vega. Theories range from the wrath of God to Gwyneth Paltrow’s head.

However, the award-winning director finally let slip the secret during an online question and answer session.

“Okay, I get asked this all the time and I always say I’m not answer because, you know, a little mystery is good.”

“But, I’ll tell you. It was some Findus Crispy Pancakes that Marcellus Wallace wants for his tea.”

Mr Tarantino then went on to describe a Findus crispy pancake.

“Yeah, they’re this British food that’s a kind of case of bright orange crispy dust with a bunch of bacon-flavoured spermy glue inside. They’re not great.”

Apparently, the dealers in the apartment were meant to invite Marcellus round for tea and, in a quirky Tarantino-esque twist, they were going to have the Findus Crispy Pancakes, but then they realise if they didn’t invite him then they could have an extra pancake each.

A decision that ultimately seals their fate.

However, the director refused to explain another big Pulp Fiction mystery; how Vincent Vega, after being killed midway through the film, could then appear later on in the restaurant robbery.

Possibly because he feels quite foolish about such a glaring oversight in an otherwise classic film.