It’s the weekend! So much excitement! So many possibilities! But, face it, you’re spending it on the sofa in your pants with the curtains closed eating cereal from the box and watching these great films.
Saturday
The Color of Money Talking Pictures TV 21.00
Tom Cruise is insufferable at Paul Newman for several hours. Paul Newman wins Oscar for putting up with him.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Channel 4 18.45
Dwarves kidnap hobbit after staging home invasion and singing at him.
Edward Scissorhands Film4 14.45
Feel free to make your own jokes about wiping his bottom or picking his nose, I’m above all that sort of thing.
Sunday
Twister Channel 5 17.55
Weather porn with nonsense plot about Bill Paxton being a reformed wild and crazy meteorologist.
The Longest Day Film4 14.40
Classic epic about a rainy Wednesday in February.
The Da Vinci Code SyFy 21.00
Tom Hanks runs round the world explaining things to an attractive person. Better than the book, but then, so’s setting fire to your face.
Netflix Film of the Weekend
Rampage
Government bastards infect wolf, gorilla and Komodo dragon with chemicals that turn them into giants who do a rampage. The Rock duffs everyone up. Second greatest film ever made.
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