It’s the weekend, and as your plans for the weekend amount to lying on the sofa wondering why you don’t have better plans for the weekend, you’re probably going to want to watch some films.
Luckily, here’s some films.
Saturday
How to Train your Dragon Film4 14.40
Shout at it until it does as it’s told. There, saved you having to watch this. You can just go and fly about on your new brilliantly trained dragon now.
Halloween Film4 22.45
Horrible teenagers have sex in other people’s beds. Rightly slaughtered.
Bram Stoker’s Dracula Sony Movies 21.00
After his girlfriend dies, Transylvanian bloke throws huge strop and tortures Keanu Reeves until he stops speaking cockney.
Sunday
Groundhog Day Dave 14.55
Weatherman solves existential, philosophical crisis by getting off with Andie MacDowell.
Weird feeling we’ve done this one before.
The Rainmaker 5SELECT (What?) 23.00
Sexy, brilliant and idealistic young lawyer saves the day by being sexy, brilliant and idealistic. Coincidentally written by, get this, a lawyer.
Before I go to Sleep Channel 4 23.40
Film about someone having a milky drink, brushing their teeth, trying to decide if they can be bothered to have another crack at Wolf Hall, turning out the light, getting up a few minutes later for a wee, and then turning the light out again.
Netflix Film of the Weekend
Crocodile Dundee
Paul Hogan romantic comedy. Not as funny as his Fosters adverts. Won a Golden Globe because the Golden Globes are mental.
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