New Whizzer and Chips Cinematic Universe set to rival Marvel, eclipse DC

A new shared cinematic universe based on popular 70s-80s comic Whizzer and Chips is expected to rival Marvel, and completely eclipse DC.

The first film to be released will Sid’s Snake, about a boy called Sid, who has a snake. The plot is currently unknown, but it is expected that it will be an origin story of Sid meeting a snake called Slippy who can turn into different shapes as part of a series of hilarious escapades and scrapes.

Much like 2008’s Iron Man, it will kickstart years of other high-quality films and sequels from the pages of Whizzer and Chips.

“Shiner follow shortly afterwards,” said Stewart James, who will be overseeing the new films

“It will be a darker film, depicting, as it does, a boy with a big shiner. Where did he get the shiner? Why did he get it? Does he want to give one back?”

Following on from that will be a series of films based on Champ, Happy Families, Odd Ball, Junior Rotter, Super Dad, and Lucky Dick.

After two or three years, the first crossover film – Whizzer vs Chips – will be released.

“That’s what we’re building to,” said Stewart.

“That’s the big one. Seeing the Whizz-kids and Chip-ites clash together on screen is something fans of Whizzer and Chips are going to go crazy for.”

A four-hour cut of Whizzer vs Chips with Shiner swearing and a silly screen-ratio may or may not follow.

Marvel boss Kevin Feige did his best to hide his concern.

“We welcome the arrival to a genuine rival in the comic cinematic universe,” he said.

“We’ll certainly have to make sure we’re on top of our game now.”

A representative from DC who did not want to be named was more succinct.

“We are absolutely done for.”

It is expected the cinematic universe will continue for a number of years and culminate in final epic battle between the Whizz-kids and Chip-ites that, obviously, the Chip-ites will win because Chip-ites rule and Whizz-kids are losers.

New movie adaptation planned of something Stephen King once said

Following the success of It and Gerald’s Game, horror fans will be excited to learn that a production company is planning a new movie adaptation of something Stephen King once said.

All the legendary writer’s books are currently optioned or in production, even TommyKnockers, so producer Alfred Paluka decided to take a different approach to adapting his work.

“Well, obviously I’m a huge fan of Stephen King,” said Mr Paluka

“I mean, I’ve never read any of his books or anything, but that clown picture made an extraordinary amount of money, didn’t it?”

Mr Paluka believes that with so many adaptations of King’s books currently in production, the concept of Stephen King films could soon become a little stale

“Yeah, everyone’s jumping on the whole Stephen King book bandwagon, so I’m steering clear of that and I’m going to make an adaptation of something he once said instead.

“Originally, I was going to adapt his famous quote – ‘Monsters and ghosts are real and they live inside all of us’ – but Scorsese got there first, goddamn greatest living director.

“So, instead, I’m going to adapt another thing he once said when he was in a shop – ‘Can I have some milk please. A quart.’

“It’s pretty exciting. We’re going to split it into two movies – ‘Can I have some milk please’ next year and ‘A quart’ the following year. Obviously, we’re going to expand on the thing he said, but I’m definitely staying true to the spirit of it. This is about wanting some milk, and nothing’s changing that.”

If successful, Mr Paluka plans on adapting something Stephen King probably once thought.