New Fortnite challenges ‘quantify the soul’ and ‘discover nature of humanity’ criticised for difficulty

New Fortnite challenges introduced in the recent Season 6 update have been slammed by fans for their difficulty.

Challenges such as ‘quantify the soul’ and ‘discover nature of humanity’ have left players baffled.

“I noticed I had one challenge that I’ve made no progress on that was ‘reproduce the sound of one hand clapping,’” explained Fortnite fan Stewart James.

“Now, I’m pretty good at constructing a defensive tower, and on a good day I can get three or four players with a sniper rifle, but the sound of one hand clapping? I wouldn’t know where to start, and even if I did have any sort of clue, I’ve certainly no idea how I’d express it in Fortnite.”

The challenges were introduced in the recent philosophical update that allows players to collect Socrates and Wittgenstein skins and visit an in-game University philosophy department to take a few moments to grapple with the weighty issues of the day.

“Yeah, I’ve tried that out,” continued James.

“I’d just headshotted a couple of guys in succession and then joined in a lively debate on whether it is ever possible for human beings to experience anything objectively.

“It was pretty fun, but I didn’t land any decent arguments so I’ve made no progress on the ‘Objective reality’ challenge.

“It’s just too hard.”

The philosophical challenges will remain in place until the next Fortnite season which is to have the theme of justice and law and will feature challenges such as ‘cite three precedents of environmental law’ and ‘create a closing argument for a hypothetical insurance fraud case.’

50 Shades of Grey spin-off to be set in pie factory

Following the huge success of the 50 Shades of Grey books and films, a spin-off has been announced set in a pie factory in the north of England.

50 Shades of Pie will be based on a passionate and unconventional love-affair between the son of the factory owner and a young girl on the factory floor who picks the flies out of the pastry.

The familiar 50 Shades eroticism comes to the fore as she finds herself drawn into his world of sexy pie-sex.

“I wanted to explore a more unconventional sexual affair,” said director Jane Gosling

“The more I read up on the subject, the more it became clear that sexy pie-sex was the world I wanted to explore. Not only was it powerfully erotic but, to my astonishment, there has never been a credible depiction of sexy pie-sex in mainstream cinema.”

The film will feature explicit scenes of pastry being crumbled onto a man’s buttocks, of a pie with a nice red-onion chutney served on the quivering breasts of the young woman, and in one of the most powerful moments, a sexy threesome that takes place on a massive pile of pies.

50 Shades of Pie is targeting an Autumn 2018 release date and will feature an expansive marketing campaign with Ginsters