New James Gunn cut of Zach Snyder cut of Justice League announced

A new James Gunn cut of the Zach Snyder cut of Justice League has been announced.

The Zach Snyder cut was well-received on release and considered to be a minor improvement over the original, but many thought it was still a little too long and could benefit from some more jokes.

As such, James Gunn, director of the Guardians of the Galaxy films and the upcoming Suicide Squad, has been brought in to recut the film.

“Love what Zach did. Love it,” explained Gunn.

“But, for me, it needed more 70s pop and people calling each other ‘turdblossom,’ so that’s what I’m bringing to the party.”

Whilst executives have every confidence in the James Gunn cut of the Zach Snyder cut, it is understood they have lined up Patty Jenkins to produce her own cut of the James Gunn cut of the Zach Snyder cut.

It is thought that the Patty Jenkins cut of the James Gunn cut of the Zach Snyder could really bring some of the heart she brought to the Wonder Woman films that was missing from the original James Gunn cut of the Zach Snyder cut.

Following the release of the Patty Jenkins cut of the James Gunn cut of the Zach Snyder cut, DC plans to bring in The Batman director Matt Reeves produce his own cut of the Patty Jenkins cut of the James Gunn cut of the Zach Snyder cut because why not, eh? He seems like a nice guy, so he deserves a go.

There is, however, a concern that the Matt Reeves cut of the Patty Jenkins cut of the James Gunn cut of the Zach Snyder cut could end up a little confused and incoherent, so DC exec Kelly Grace has a plan.

“Yeah, we’ll bring in Joss Whedon to cut out the fat, make it a bit lighter and bring it down to a tight two hours.”

DiCaprio and Scorsese reunite for Pingu

Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese are to return to their hugely successful partnership on the new feature version of penguin classic Pingu.

DiCaprio will star as the titular penguin.

“Yeah, I’m always happy to work with Marty,” said the Critters 3 star

“We’d been looking for a project since our Dogtanian picture fell through. I guess it was July when Marty called me up and he was real excited and talking about a penguin.”

The legendary director takes up the story.

“It was incredible. I couldn’t believe it. It’s this penguin and he’s called Pingu. Who is he? What does he want? Isn’t he cold?

“There was so much to explore with the character, I knew that it had to be my next picture.

The Goodfellas director was set on DiCaprio from the start

“I only ever had one person in mind when it came to portraying the penguin. It would be a complex, demanding role. Just getting the feather’s applied would be a 4-5-hour process.

“Leo was the only actor who I ever really saw portraying an anthropomorphic penguin. He has that capacity to really find the humanity of a character, something that isn’t going to be easy when you’re playing a penguin.”

Martin Scorsese’s Pingu will be three hours long, set in New York and feature an alarming amount of swearing and violence