Netflix has confirmed that popular superhero drama Luke Cage will be replaced with a series of programmes seemingly designed to help sell overpriced magic tat from Gwenyth Paltrow’s ‘Goop’ shop.
In a decision that seems to indicate that Netflix believes its subscribers to be both rich and stupid, it has commissioned a series of Goop programmes from Paltrow this Autumn.
The opening episode will feature special vagina crystals that are used to promote nurturing inner-wellness and harness some sort of energy. They retail at a cost of $25,000 each.
Paltrow will spend thirty minutes talking a load of mad old nonsense about internal balance and chakric energy before introducing an actress playing a normal person who claims to have put one of the crystals in her vagina and is really happy about the whole affair.
Other episodes will take a similar format and will focus on Goop’s line of bottled space air, their healing forest moss and various other pieces of ludicrous rubbish that Paltrow will, for reasons best known to herself, recommend you put in your vagina.
If successful, Netflix is expected to replace Stranger Things with a series of programmes in which Kelly Osborne spends half an hour trying to sell you a box of karmic lake energy that will help realign your aura or something equally ludicrous.
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