McDonalds have introduced a series of Harry and Meghan interview tie-in Happy Meals containing a child-size meal and a small Harry and Meghan interview-themed toy.
The Happy Meals will feature a toy Meghan, a toy Harry, or one of a variety of toy Oprah Winfreys, each one doing a different ‘concerned’ face.
Collecting just three Happy Meals is enough for children to recreate the entire interview while they enjoy a meal containing 131% of their daily recommended salt intake.
“Everyone is talking about Harry and Meghan right now,” said clown and burger magnate Ronald McDonald.
“So, we are thrilled to exclusively offer the only Harry and Meghan interview toys endorsed by the Royal Family. Whatever Burger King say.”
As well as the Happy Meal toy versions of the three main protagonists, there are a variety of other toys to collect including the apoplectic and newly unemployed Piers Morgan toy, the ‘bovvered’ Queen Elizabeth toy, and an insubstantial ghost of Princess Diana toy, that can be positioned above all the other toys in order to look over everything with dignified toy sadness.”
“It’s a great collection, it really is,” continued Ronald.
“It was originally going to be a bit bigger though, we initially had a Prince Edward toy planned, but no-one could find out what he looked like, and there was an early-prototype Prince Andrew but, you know, Prince Andrew and kids? Bit tasteless.”
The Harry and Meghan interview Happy Meal collection will be available from later this week.
It is understood that McDonalds are planning a follow-up later this year that, depending on public mood, will either be a Fall of the Monarchy Happy Meal collection, or a New Series of Suits Happy Meal collection.
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Explicit sex and violence removed from new Peter Rabbit film
Following surprise, shock and outrage that the new Peter Rabbit film featured scenes of explicit sex and violence, it has been announced that the film will be released in heavily edited form.
“Perhaps including a scene of enthusiastic oral sex was a misstep with Beatrix Potter’s beloved children’s classic,” said producer Kathleen Lucas
“And, certainly, I never particularly thought the 3-minute graphic bludgeoning scene really worked in the context of a charming woodland adventure.”
The controversy began after star Daisy Ridley that she was surprised to have to record a vocal track of several minutes of sexual appreciation climaxing in orgasm.
Further investigation revealed that the film was to feature a scene in which Peter Rabbit performs an explicit act on Mopsy. The scene isn’t believed to have been taken from any of the original books.
Not only was there an oral sex scene, but a graphic scene of intercourse, and a threesome scene with Peter, Flopsy and Mopsy.
The violence included the bludgeoning, a kerbstomp, and an homage to Korean classic OldBoy in which Mr MacGregor brutally beats a variety of henchmen in a dirty corridor.
Although Ms Lucas is happy that the decision to cut the explicit sex and violence was correct, it presented the team with a problem.
“Well, after we’d removed the offensive material, we were left with a 50-minute running time,” she said.
Happily, a solution was quickly found
“Yes, we just put in 40 minutes of Communist propaganda, I’m sure that’ll be fine.”
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