Man’s Fury After Imagined Shawshank Redemption Sequel Turns Out To Be Woke

A man has taken to the internet in anger after a sequel to Shawshank Redemption that he imagined turned out to be ‘woke.’

“Why does everything have to be woke these days,” wrote Stewart James, in a furious series of tweets.

“Imagine if they did a sequel to Shawshank Redemption. You know they’d have to make Red a woman. Even though it’s a man’s prison. It wouldn’t make sense, but you know they’d do it anyway because otherwise people would find it offensive or something. Why do we always have to pander to these snowflakes who find things ‘offensive.’ 

“Not everything has to be woke, you know.”

He went on to make a series of claims about what the Shawshank sequel that he’d completely made up in his head would ‘have to have’ including

• A scene where everyone takes the knee because of BLM
• Pronouns
• Explicit gay sex
• Rapping
• Gender-neutral bathrooms
• A 15-minute city

When it was pointed out to Mr James that there were no plans for a Shawshank Redemption sequel and that he had no cause to worry, he responded

“Well, maybe not. But if they did make a Shawshank sequel, that’s definitely the sort of thing they’d do.”