It’s the weekend! Time to drink the blood of your enemies from the skulls of their families.
Or you could just get some Fanta. Either way, enjoy it with these great films.
Friday
The Longest Ride Film4 23.00
Documentary about Sting’s experiments with tantric sex
Fatal Attraction GREAT! Movies 21.00
Man owns rabbit with terrifying consequences.
In the Line of Fire GREAT! Movies 23.20
Not as good as you remember it. Goes on for eight hours and Clint reaches for twinkly and charming and comes off as crinkly old perv.
Saturday
Fools Gold/Just Like Heaven 5Star from 15.55
Terrible noughties romantic comedies. Also, final two records of a really, really good student disco night in the early nineties.
Saving Private Ryan Sky One 21.00
Forrest Gump has to rescue Jason Bourne from war.
Pretty Woman 5Star 21.00
Feelgood prostitution classic. The eighties were weird.
Sunday
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ITV 18.10
A Harry Potter film, you say? On ITV? At the weekend? Well I never, who’d ever have thought it
Columbo: Butterfly in Shades of Grey 5USA 21.00
Erotic crossover between Columbo and 50 Shades of Grey. Sexy!
Carry on Again Doctor ITV3 09.50
Searing indictment into the state of the British health system that led immediately to the government banning the practice of sexy nurses bending over in front of desperate middle-aged perverts.
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