Man on internet explains why, actually, you’re not enjoying The Rings of Power

A helpful man has happily given up his time to explain to you why, actually, you’re really not enjoying The Rings of Power.

You had been watching the first few episodes and, although you found it a little slow and pompous, overall you were really enjoying it. Or so you thought.

“Actually,” said the man, inevitably.

“You’ve probably just been suckered in by the all the CGI. Yes, I’ll agree that the whole thing looks very good, although, I think that if you were a bit more familiar with high fantasy, you’d find it quite derivative.

“What you don’t really understand though is that those effects have distracted you from the fact the story doesn’t make a great deal of sense in the context of the world created by Tolkien.”

The man then proceeds to spend several hours going on about the history of orcs, the height of elves, and the skin-colour of hobbits. You lose the will to live long before he finishes but, so far as you can infer, he doesn’t like black hobbits and Galadriel should do more topless scenes.

Naturally enough, you disregard everything the man to the internet has to say, because he’s a man on the internet. But, before getting on with your happy, fulfilled life, you briefly consider how empty and hopeless this man must be inside to spend all his time on the internet explaining to people why they’re wrong to enjoy a TV programme and how Lenny Henry shouldn’t be a hobbit.

Next week: The man on the internet explains why, actually, you’re not enjoying House of the Dragon