Love Island, the show that everyone actually watches when they say they were watching the documentary on early Mesopotamian art on BBC 4, is to introduce a new Fortnite-style ‘Battle Royale’ format from next week.
The current Love Island format is for attractive people to try and have sex with other attractive people for as long as possible. I would imagine. I haven’t watched it. I was watching BBC 4.
Fortnite is a colourful shoot-em-up video game in which overexcited 12-year-olds exchange homophobic insults whilst trying to shoot a hundred other overexcited 12-year-olds on an island.
By implementing Fortnite’s Battle Royale format on Love Island, producers hope that they will redefine the zeitgeist and that no one will ever need to watch anything else ever again.
“This could be huge,” said Davina Brinkley, a Love Island producer.
“Next Monday, we’ll drop 90-odd unspeakably good-looking swimwear-clad people out of a plane onto the island with the current guys and they’ll all have to try and crossbow each other in the neck and/or have sex.”
Ms Brinkley went on to explain that it wouldn’t be exploitative.
“No, not at all. I mean, there will be a lot of violence and naked, nubile flesh on display, but I think people will really be hooked on the relationships that form when people aren’t crossbowing each other in the face and/or having sex,” she managed to say with a straight face.
If successful, then it is expected that Fortnite will get a mode in which players have to sunbathe a lot and then try have sex with each other.
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